Grief
by ThatOtherRainbowEnd
Summary: They say that grief occurs in five stages; First, there's denial, followed by anger, then comes bargaining, depression and acceptance. But grief is a merciless master, just when you think you're free, you realise that you never stood a chance. For The Revenge Challenge by The Original Horcrux


**A/N: Obviously, I do not own the Wonderful Wizarding World of Harry Potter. That's J.K. Rowling's property. I also do not own Seamus. But I love him. Yeah. Written for the Revenge Competition by The Original Horcrux. Hopefully you like it. (By the way, if Stage 3's bad, I'm so sorry. I never understood the bargaining. :( Sorry)**

* * *

Stage 1 (Denial)

_He still loves you._ I kept on convincing myself. _He would never go around behind you're back and cheat on Slag-ender Brown. Never._

As much as I hate myself for it, I was never a good liar. I looked to my fiancé and to the picture of my wedding dress that I held in my hand. The dress I was going to wear a week from today. Seamus was going to be my husband in a week from now. _There would be no way he would cheat on me with his old school flame since we're to be married in a week._I tried to tell myself. But like I said, I was never a convincing liar. Compulsive, yes. Convincing, no.

"Mariana, what's wrong?" He asked as he stood in front of me and put his arms around my waist. Quickly I hid the picture into the pocket of my skirt.

"Y-you… A-are y-you r-r-ready for S-Saturday?" I was able to sputter out as my eyes blinked furiously, fighting the tears. "Because I'm not." He pulled away from the hug and stared at me in confusion. "What if we can't provide for our future family, Shay? What if we can't give our future child a loving environment?" I yelled. "There are so many 'what if's' in what we're about to do, but they all lead to a big one." At this point tears were already falling down my cheeks and my eyes were visibly puffy and swollen.

"Mariana Walker soon to be Mariana Finnigan," Seamus started as he took hold of my shoulders. "That will never happen." He said in a reassuring way. "We can provide for our family because we work hard in what we do; you as a writer for the Daily Prophet and me as a successful partner of Weasley Wizard Wheezes and their supplier for their products that need special pyrotechnics."

"What if we can't give our future child a happy environment?" I repeated myself. "What if our child, who turns out to be a girl, becomes unhappy because we're fighting over which school she should be in? If she should go to my Alma mater of Beauxbatons or yours of Hogwarts?" I asked. He calmly sat me down next to him on the couch and smiled at me.

"Then if our child is a girl, we bring her to Beauxbatons. If it's a boy, Hogwarts, seeing as we have no other option but those two and Beauxbatons is for girls." He explained happily.

Not convinced at all, I asked him the biggest what if. "What if we don't love each other anymore, if we've fallen for another?"

"That will never happen." He answered, letting my legs lie on his lap as I move to lean on the armrest. "You know why? Because we wouldn't be committing ourselves to each other and promising never to be unfaithful to each other if we don't love each other." He scooted closer to me, so instead of my legs, I sat on his lap. "We love each other confidently enough to know our love will last longer than the end of time." And as he finished, he captured my lips in a kiss.

One thing I love and hate about Seamus is that he can lie and it can easily be thought of as true. And being the gullible klutz I am, I took every word he said to heart. And I fell off the couch once our kiss ended.

"With that speech, there's no way he cheated on me." I murmured half-heartedly as I grabbed his outstretched hand and got myself off the floor. "I love you Shay." I said as he kissed me again.

* * *

Stage 2 (Anger)  
I stormed through the hallway to the groom's room, furious at what I had just witnessed. "YOU!" I bellowed as I pushed the door open. "After all you said to me Shay, how could you?" I screamed as Dean held me by the waist. And even in my attempts to break free of his hold, all the wriggling and squirming, I was still able to look Seamus in the eye as I claw at him, trying to get a hold of him.

"Mariana, what's gotten into you?" Ron asked as he helps Dean calm me down.

"You said we're promising ourselves that we will never be unfaithful to each other." I said as I tried to calm myself down. But the anger and pain inside me kept myself untamed. "And then I see you snogging the hell out of Slag-ender Brown, who you know is dating Ernie Macmillan, one of your groomsmen!" I screamed, pointing to Ernie. Everyone looked at me in a state of shock, even my two bridesmaids, Fleur Weasley and Gabrielle Delacour, and my maid of honor, my sister, even when I already told them what happened.

"You did what?" I heard him say. "Get ready, Finnigan.'Cause you're getting the beating of a life-time." As he readied himself to punch him, I blocked him from. "Mari, what are you doing?"

"If anyone deserves to kill Seamus, it's me." I said calmly, still blocking Seamus from Ernie. "But I won't do that, because he isn't worth it." I walked towards the exit of the door but not after I took one long look at Seamus' face as he explained what happened.

"Lavender kissed me, not the other way around." He would repeatedly say. "I'm telling the truth." was a close second.

"I don't care, Seamus." I said sternly. "The wedding's off. Sorry for wasting your time everyone. Ron and Harry, say hi to your wives for me." I took off the veil and grabbed my bouquet from Fleur. Angrily, I threw them both at the sandy haired man. "Goodbye, Seamus." I looked down on my hand, saw the engagement ring, and threw it at him too. "Forever."

* * *

Stage 3 (Bargaining)

Another thing I hate about myself is that I often conflict with myself. Most of the time my heart and my brain say the same thing, I just don't know where the conflict is coming from. Both my heart and head were in agreement, that I will never trust HIM anymore. But that little part of me, small yet strong, tells me to give him another chance. "So you just ran out of there back to your house, packed all your stuff, and went here?" My sister, Maya asked. It had been a week since the whole wedding fiasco and only now has she decided to talk to me. I simply nodded and went back to my inner war. "You know you have to talk to someone about this, and I am your sister after all. In fact, I'm your twin." She said happily, in an attempt to make me feel better. "See, we have the same brown hair, same green eyes, and same nose." She teased jokingly.

"I don't know what to do, Maya." I said seriously, to try to remind Maya I had just ran out of my own wedding. "My heart and brain are telling me to never look at him again, burn all the pictures we have together, heck they're even telling me to burn my wedding dress. But there's that little part of me saying 'He's innocent.' Or perhaps 'It's Lavender's fault.' Or maybe 'If he showed remorse, then maybe everything will go back to normal.' Even 'He's changed.' I feel conflicted. And I don't even know what that little part is." I admitted.

She looked at me with an expression of relief and hugged me very tightly. "I'm relieved. It means you're halfway through the stages of grief." I gave her a look of utter confusion.

"Stages of what?" I asked as she released me from her grasp.

"You are in the five stages of grief and at the moment; you're in stage three, which is bargaining." She explained as I kept my dumbfounded look on my face. "Bargaining is where you convince yourself of getting back together with him. I forgot the rest though. But I'm sure you'll be fine Mari."

* * *

Stage 4 (Depression)

I felt depressed. Who wouldn't be if you haven't eaten in three days, had an inner conflict, and ran away from your own wedding. As I lie face down on my mattress, I heard the voices of my sister and a woman. "She's been like that for three days already, doc. And she hasn't eaten either. I'm worried." My sister said frantically.

"Go into the kitchen and make her something to eat. I'll go talk to her." The doctor said. "Mariana, I'm Doctor Holly Keegan; I'm a psychiatrist. You're sister said you had a problem, care to elaborate?" Doctor Keegan said as she inched closer to the bed. And as if to annoy her, but in reality I just couldn't face anyone in my current state, I said my answer face down, where it was muffled by the mattress. "Mariana, it's okay. I won't judge you."

I looked up at her, for a woman who has been working in the psychiatric department for twenty plus years (so it said in the business card sticking out of her clip board) she was fairly pretty. As I explained what had happened, she would simply nod or take down notes. "I just don't know why he would do something like that." I finished.

"Well Mariana, you're suffering from depression. It's the fourth stage of grief." She explained. "You see you denied the fact that Seamus may have been cheating on you, which is the first stage; the stage of denial. When you got angry for you found out he was cheating on you; you were in the stage of anger. Now, when you were conflicted, that may have been the stage of bargaining. And from my understanding, since you are conflicted and it is making you depressed, you're in the fourth stage. Lucky for you, you only have to undergo one more stage, and you're free from grief."

"Really, doc? I'll be free after this last one?" I asked, hope filling my eyes.

"Yup, as free as a bird. But, not many reach this stage, which is the stage of acceptance. Well, all I recommend for you is that you eat, and take a shower. And don't try to jinx Seamus, it might just send you spiraling back to stage two." I opened my mouth to ask how she knows about magic, when she cut me. "My husband's a wizard. My child's going to Hogwarts."

Stage 5 (Acceptance)

* * *

Acceptance of this situation means to move on and to not hold any grudges against Seamus. He just told me he'd never be unfaithful and that he'd always love me and only me, and then did the complete opposite. That's easy. A month had gone by and every time I go visit Fleur or Gabrielle, they'd always ask me about him. Like I said, I'm horrible at lying. They saw right through the "I'm fine." And "Everything's okay." I'd send their way. I just wanted to be free from grief, is that hard to ask? _Total forgiveness is the key to acceptance in a relationship_ they would say. Easy for them to say, I bet they never even had to go through relationship grief. But I just needed freedom. I took a look at the letter I had written before quickly sealing the envelope, attaching it to Talia, my owl and releasing her. _Total forgiveness._

_Dear Seamus,_

_It's been a month since I've last seen you, how are you? It's a lousy start to the letter, I know. But at least I'm trying. I heard you're in a relationship with Lavender and Ernie got with Hannah Abbott. That's nice. Listen, I know you're sorry for what you did, and I forgive you for it. Forgiveness is the key they'd say. I would've written this sooner, but I guess I just needed some time to think. Well… hope to see you soon._

_Mariana_

(The REAL) Stage 5 (REPETITION)

~2017~

"Auntie Mari, look at the train!" My niece, Piper said as she jumped up and down. "In four years I'll be able to ride that train to Hogwarts and play Quidditch, just like my dad." As Maya was unable to bring her eldest daughter to platform 9 ¾, I had the unfortunate task of bringing them.

"Yes Piper, you'll play Quidditch just like daddy Oliver. And just like Patricia." I said, ruffling Patricia's long curly hair. "Now Patricia, run along. Auntie Mari still has stuff to do." I said, pushing the girl towards the direction of the train.

"You're right Aunt Mari." She said grabbing hold of her trunk. "Lara Finnigan might steal my seat next to James." _Finnigan? _

"Who's Lara, do you mind pointing to her?" I asked. Quickly, she pointed to a girl with blonde hair and blue eyes wearing Gryffindor robes. I glanced to the adults she was talking to and saw familiar face. He turned and saw me with Piper jumping around. "Pipes c'mon, mummy's waiting for you at home with a tray of chocolate chip cookies." I said pulling the jumping eight year old. He caught sight of me and then started running towards me. Never once had he responded to my letters.

"Maya! Maya!" He yelled. He must've thought I was my twin for I had Piper with me.

"But you're not mummy." I heard Piper murmur.

"Maya!" I gave him a half-hearted smile and waved.

"Hello to you too, Seamus. I haven't seen you since you broke my sister's heart at what was supposed to be your wedding and made my parents waste money on a wedding that never happened. How's life so far?" I asked sarcastically. "If you don't mind my broken-hearted sister is waiting for me in her apartment. C'mon, Pipes."

"Listen Maya," He started as he grabbed my shoulders. "Tell your sister I'm sorry that I wasn't able to answer to her letters. I really am. It's just that me wife's gone mad thinking I was still with Mariana. You've met Lavender, right?"

A twinge of jealousy surged through my veins. _YOU ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH HIM ANYMORE MARIANA! HE CHEATED ON YOU!_ My head screamed. "YOU MARRIED THE GIRL YOU CHEATED ON MY SISTER WITH?!" I screamed grabbing the attention of random parents who were seeing their children off.

"Merlin, Maya, that was years ago. You should let it go."

"How could I, Shay?" I said on the verge of tears. "You were about to marry me. I loved you." _No, you still do love him._ That little part of me said, pushing me to my limits. "You said you would never love anyone else, now look at you. You married Slag-ender 'Home-wrecker' Finnigan nee Brown and had a child with her. Now look at me, single, living with 5 cats, my only friends right now are family, and impersonating my sister just to avoid talking to you. I sound like that woman from the ministry, Umbridge." He just stared at me awe-struck as tears rolled down my cheeks. "And the worst part is I was grieving, and right now you are not helping. I think I never stood a chance for freedom; that it's all just a vicious cycle. You were just too important to me and now I will forever be in grief because of you." Grabbing Piper I quickly said. "Now, come on Pipes. Mum's waiting for you. Good bye, Shay." And with that one last look, I left him there.

* * *

I hated myself for a lot of reasons, some unknown to me. But all I know is that the biggest reason I hate myself is that I will never be free from grief. Never.

* * *

"_They say that grief occurs in five stages; First, there's denial, followed by anger, then comes bargaining, depression and acceptance. But grief is a merciless master, just when you think you're free, you realise that you never stood a chance."_

_~Emily Thorne (Revenge)_

* * *

**A/N: Wow. I have to say I liked the first two stages then it went downhill by the third stage. Sorry. So, review nice things. Because you know what they say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."**

**Love you all, Doodles :)**


End file.
